Grab Your Earmuffs

“Also do not take to heart everything people say, Lest you hear your servant cursing you. For many times, also, your own heart has known that even you have cursed others (Ecclesiastes 7:21–22 NKJV).

Some things really are better left unheard.

I like information. I like knowing what is going on, why it is happening, who said what, and preferably I would like all of those details immediately. Apparently this was true of me in 2009 when I originally wrote this, and I cannot honestly claim that nearly seventeen years have cured me of it.

But following Jesus has taught me something important: not everything I am capable of knowing is something I need to know.

Ecclesiastes gives us surprisingly practical wisdom about this. The writer tells us not to take every word people speak to heart. Why? Because eventually we are going to hear something we wish we had not heard. Someone may criticize us. Misunderstand us. Complain about us. Say something careless or unkind.

And before indignation has time to build its case, Scripture reminds us of something uncomfortable. We have done it too. The verse immediately before this says, “Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and doesn’t sin.” None of us has a spotless record when it comes to our words. We have spoken impatiently. Complained. Assumed motives. Repeated something that was not ours to repeat. Said something in frustration that we would have preferred the person never hear. That does not make hurtful speech acceptable. It does make humility necessary.

There is a temptation when we hear that someone has spoken badly about us to pick the words up and carry them around. We replay them. Examine them. Tell someone else what was said. Build imaginary conversations in which we finally deliver the perfect response. Before long, a sentence someone else spoke once has become a conversation we have repeated fifty times in our own mind. That is where resentment finds very fertile soil.

God may call us to address something directly. There are circumstances where a conversation is necessary, especially when someone is being harmed, truth needs defending, reconciliation needs pursuing, or a pattern of sin needs confronting. But not every comment requires our attention. Not every opinion deserves a room in our heart and not every conversation needs our participation. That last one may be the harder lesson.

We should pay attention to what we are willing to listen to when the person being discussed is not in the room. Is this conversation truthful? Is it necessary? Is it loving? Am I part of the problem or part of the solution? If I am neither, chances are I do not need to be part of the conversation.

Jesus said that the mouth speaks from the abundance of the heart. What comes out of us reveals something about what has been growing inside us. That means the question is not merely, “Did I say something technically true?” It is also, “Why did I want to say it?”

Was I trying to help? Or did I enjoy knowing something? Did repeating it serve a godly purpose? Or did it simply give me the satisfaction of being the person with the information? Those questions make gossip much harder to disguise as concern.

And Ecclesiastes turns the mirror around again. When the hurtful words happen to be about us, we are called to remember our own need for mercy. That does not mean pretending words cannot wound. They can. It means refusing to build a home for them. Forgive where forgiveness is needed. Confront where Scripture and wisdom require confrontation. Learn from legitimate correction. But do not let every careless sentence spoken by another person become something you carry around for years.

Sometimes spiritual maturity looks remarkably like knowing when to put on the earmuffs. Not because we are afraid of truth. Because we are learning that some words do not deserve access to our hearts.

Today’s Attitude of Worship

Pay attention today not only to what you say, but also to what you willingly listen to. When a conversation turns toward someone who is not there, ask yourself whether you are part of the problem or part of the solution. If you are neither, perhaps you do not need the information. And if you discover that someone has spoken unkindly about you, resist the urge to rehearse it endlessly. Ask God whether there is truth you need to receive, action you need to take, or forgiveness you need to give.

Then let the rest go. There are enough voices worthy of your attention. You do not have to carry every one.

Additional Scriptures

Matthew 7:3–5
Matthew 6:14–15
Matthew 5:13–16
Luke 6:45